More accurately what is it like to be 32 weeks and five days pregnant? It sucks.
It’s not comfortable, it’s not glowing and it’s not pretty. It’s also not small.
I feel huge, fat, giant-like and extremely uncomfortable. People look at me and say: I look more pregnant than you. You are small for 32 weeks. No I’m not (and I’m not being modest here I’m just showing what blatant liars people are as I have gained about 40 pounds so far!!). My bay measures 37 cm. I am carrying around something bigger than a ruler and I can feel it stretching my muscles, stretching my skin to the point where I am constantly scared it will tear and every time I get up I feel this pressure on my bladder which makes me want to stay seated on the toilet permanently.
I have stopped going to the gym. I went there faithfully up until 29 weeks at which point it became a real struggle. I am just too tired and pathetic to go. I pack my gym bag every morning and drive past the gym straight to the couch every afternoon. I am just so tired, so moody, so confused and so uncomfortable.
If you think it gets easier towards the end it doesn’t. I had a weekend in which I was blissfully excited about having a baby. Thinking finally the mommy hormones and brain washing are kicking in. But then Monday came and I got scared again of how the hell I will manage a career and a baby and I am now once again trying to find the joys of motherhood by looking very deep into my colleagues eyes when I whisper: is it really worth it? How often do you sleep? Does your baby cry all the time? How much does it cost you per month? Yes- they do look at me funny but honestly if I don’t ask how will I know???